My Mind Reading Experience

So last Friday David Meade came to The Braid Centre in Ballymena. As many of you, I had never heard of him before and thought he was some kind of magician a bit like Paul Daniels. Doing some research on the man, it transpired that he was some kind of Northern Irish Derren Brown – more of an illusionist / mentalist which sounded interesting though I was aware of the fact that me picked randoms from the audience which I definitely not keen on.

The first half of the show was mainly card tricks and lie detecting which was pretty impressive but he said the second half would be much different dealing with psychics and how they operate. He explained that tricks like this had been performed since the 1920s and there were 2 types of psychics – the ones that can read people incredibly well and get information that way, conning people out of a lot of money, the second type did it for free as they thought they were actually helping people.

To prove that he wasn’t doing through observation, he put 2 x 50ps on his eyes and got a wee girl from the audience to tape them on with gaffa tape (ouch!) so there is no way he could of seen out.

During the interval, some paper, envelopes and pens were put on the stage for people that wanted to participate in the next part of the show. You had to write down you initials and a question no one else to know. Firstly he picked out a lady – her name I forget – but guessed her name from her initials and started telling her lots of facts about her dead parents. He asked her if it was ok to go on as she was getting a bit upset thinking about them … all this time maintaining he was not a psychic and couldn’t really talk to the dead. The next guy who’s card he picked out didn’t really work as none of the facts he was guessing were not right. He said he felt like there was someone there with similar initials but didn’t want to stand up as their secret question was quite embarrassing.

Then he decided to pick some one that didn’t fill in a card. ‘Name beginning with L…maybe Laura…second name beginning with D …no, O’D…Louise O’ Donnell??’ NOOooooo total mortification! How did he know that? Then he went on to say he saw some one drawing and scribbling and then I said I was an illustrator. He was able to tell me someone who’s name began with P was taking me on 2 trips … ‘One to Lincoln, the other ….Co. Mayo?. I said no but the friend maybe is Phillipa Mayo who is having 2 weddings in September, one abroad one in Lincoln?

He was also able to tell me that I had been traveling to New Zealand, had a chronic muscle disorder and I was very musical and played a lot of other peoples records. He asked if I had a lot of piercings as he kept getting needles, then he said ‘have you ever had acupuncture?’ which of course I had done and it was a pile of rubbish which tied in with something he had asked earlier about me being sceptical. One think that didn’t make sense was he was getting a friend with a short name beginning with M who was looking forward to getting really messed up on my birthday but my birthday was in March. Bizzare.

So that was my mind reading experience. I am completely stumped. I will hunt him down until he tells me how it works! If anyone knows, please put me out of my misery

Here he is in action:

My Trip To France

Has anyone been enjoying the super stylised E4 show ‘My Mad Fat Diary’? Sadly the first series is over now but it was the best thing i’ve seen on tv for quite a while. Once again Lincolnshire gets slated for being a shit place to live ha ha! Apart from the Lincoln connection (I lived there for 9 years), the main character Rae and I, have a few more things in common. She is an indie kid (it’s set in the nineties), she kept and diary, and went mad. Instead of being public about her madness, she told everyone she was away on a trip to France! I also went to France for a few months in 2009. Sometimes i miss it and the company of the other french people. Whilst there, I met 2 girls that were also patients that were in my foundation art course I did in 2000. 3 people ending up in France that knew each other from a class of about  20 people – crazy huh?

Some people say that creative folks are more susceptible to mental illness than others. Swedish researchers at the Karolinska Institute found artists had a higher risk of anxiety and bipolar disorders, schizophrenia, unipolar depression, and substance abuse.

Brain scans reveal striking similarities in the thought pathways of highly creative people and those with schizophrenia.

Some of the world’s leading artists, writers and theorists have also had mental illnesses – the Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh, American mathematician John Nash (portrayed by Russell Crowe in the film A Beautiful Mind) and some say Dali was a little crazy in the coconut as well!

I’m not saying that we romanticise that all people with mental health problems are struggling creative geniuses, but we do try 

Mixtape Competition Time!

As everyone knows, I love a good mixtape competition, so when i checked Mixcloud the other day I was surprised to find they had 2 on the go! How could I resist.

1. Ibiza Rocks.
Mission: Whether it’s for a rocking band or beat-driven DJ, Rocks Residents should effortlessly be able to get the crowd jumping! Also a diverse knowledge from Indie, Rock and Hip Hop to commercial and more underground beats are a must. Have I got what it takes? I’m not sure…as long as i am not required to play R&b i’ll give it my best shot!

My entry is probably the most diverse thing genre wise I have ever done. Starting with some Balearic tones, building to electro though to 140bmp badness and finishing with a bit of rock for good measure! The danger with making such an eclectic mix is that it sounds too choppy and the genres don’t flow …. have I managed to pull it off? Let the Ibiza Gods decide! I think using trusty Mixed In Key helps massively – I would be lost without it.

http://www.mixcloud.com/fifties/rocks-dj-competition/

1. Sky Ferreira – Everything Is Embarrassing (UMO Remix)
2. Might Mouse – Love Is Gonna Lift You Up
3. Corey Baker – The Chase
4. High Jinks – Bohemian Groove
5. Duke Dumont – Need U Ft. AME
6. Mason – Bass friend (Mix For Her)
7. Future Samba – AutoKratz & Blatta & Inesha
8. Monarchy – Disintegration Ft. Dita Von Teese (Album Version)
9. Plump Djs  / Daft Punk – Hammerhouse / Technologic Acapella
10. The Prodigy – Smack My Bitch Up (Noisia Remix)
11. Adam F & DJ Fresh feat. Dead Prez – It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop
12. Mind Vortex / Odissi & Vandal – Hotbox / Obey Acapella
13. Alavi – Smells Like Rerox
14. Beastie Boys – Sabotage (Alex Metric Re-Edit)
15. The Pixies – Where Is My Mind (Allison Scagliotti Cover)

Anyway, hopefully after you listen to it you’ll feel like you’ve been on a bit of a musical journey, with a few curve balls and unexpected surprises! Hopefully good ones!

2. Burn Studios Residency
Mission: Submit a 15:00 to 20:00 minute mix via Mixcloud and the shortlisted entrants will be invited to attend a “Mix-Off” event held locally. The best DJ at each local “Mix-Off” will be flown to Ibiza where they will stay for 13 nights and attend the International Music Summit and the burn studios residency bootcamp. I presume that ‘local’ doesn’t mean the field beside my house with the sheep. Also the mix has to contain at least one track from the Beatport 100 chart.

For this one I decided to do an edited version of ‘Disco Department 8′ which won me the gig at Lush.

http://www.mixcloud.com/fifties/burn-studios-residency/

1.Miguel Campbell – Flight School
2.Hot Chip – How Do You Do (Todd Terje Remix)
3.Moonwalk – Girl For You
4.Cassian – I Love You
5.Alec Carlsson – Paris Fried Chicken
6.Prok & Fitch / Grant Nelson – Swarm / Move This Rhythm (Acapella)
7.Boys Noize – What You Want (Chromeo Remix)
8.Less Hate & Valentia Black – Back With You
9.Betamax – Disco Dracula
10.Two Door Cinema Club – Next Year (Pyramid Remix)

I wanted to create something really uplifting that puts a big smile on people’s faces! Heavy on the feel good factor.

So those are my 2 entrants …. i will leave the voting in your good hands. VOTE FOR ME AS I WANT A BIG DIRTY HOLIDAY!

My Acupuncture Experience

After getting a lot of positive feedback from people that have received acupuncture, I decided to give it a go. Having suffered for 2 years from a muscular condition called Dystonia, where convectional medicines failed to do anything I thought it was worth a shot.  I knew of a chinese medicine man in The Tower Centre (The second biggest shopping centre in Ballymena hai) that did it though it wasn’t a a very relaxing environment with busy shoppers going past and Slade ‘It’s Crrrrrrrissstmas’ playing in the background. Instead I decided to go to the ‘Northern Ireland Chinese Medical Centre’ – they sound pretty reputable right? I was greeted by a Chinese man who asked me a lot of questions whilst saying ‘yes, yes, ok, ok’ quite a lot. I went into the treatment room and he put needles in my head, neck, stomach and feet, left me for 20mins then came and took them out again. This was not the relaxing sensation I hoped it would be, in fact getting the feckers stuck in me hurt! I may have a low pain threshold but it is hard to loosen up when you feel like a human pin cushion. I left with a hefty bill, 2 jars of black balls and was instructed to take 8 or each 3 times a day and come back tomorrow. The next day the same. I went for my treatment and whilst i was waiting, pins in me, i over heard a disgruntled customer wanting is money back for the black balls. His doctor had told him not to take them – ‘they not understand how Chinese medicine work!’ argued the doctor man who i am beginning to think isn’t a real doctor after all.

Another session finished, I am told to come back the next day and i am assured that i will see results in about 3 sessions. This time it is a female doctor and i had to go through all the boring questions again. ‘You very big baby?’ she asked … ‘Wrong! In fact I was very tiny and nearly died’ (this is ture). My faith in chinese medicine was dwindling … after 3 days of consecutive daily treatments i saw no difference …. I am assured that by next week I would see a change. I came back the following week for treatment every other day but alas, no improvements were made so after 6 sessions I decided to call it a day.

I was open minded when it came to alternative medicines but sadly acupuncture was not for me. I was left with nothing but a hole in my bank balance and a mild head ache

`

My Ultimate Video Game

When I was asked about how to describe my ultimate computer game I didn’t know where to start. Being a big fan of games since the days of my old 286 PC playing Prince of Persia to the present day of the Wii and Just Dance. When it comes to retro gaming I am a bit of a know it all. Back then, it was a matter of excitement to see whether the programme would even run or not on the crap computer. The 386 had been unleashed and technology was developing quickly. I guess I would have to amalgamate bits of the games I love most. The humour of Lucas Arts (Day of the Tentacle, Monkey Island etc), the gratifying violence of Mortal Kombat II (nothing beat stress like it), the storyline of Final Fantasy 7, the speed of Sonic and the addictiveness of Tetris – I have a young memory of refusing to go to piano lessons as I was beating my highest score because of those falling blocks. I didn’t go back!

Apogee were my favourite developers from back in the day who made incredible platformers for their time e.g. Commander Keen. That was my genre of choice. I guess the base of it would have to be a 3d platformer, similar to the recent Zeldas. I would still have it set in a fictional, cartoon environment like FF 7 and FF9 but not holding back on the gore and arsenal or weaponry in Resident Evil style. When it comes to the flight scenes which would be in real time, (no annoying random battles), combined with moves from Street Fighter II – ha-do-ken!

Last but not least the hugely important soundtrack. The music on games by The Bitmap Brothers always provide pleasant reminiscences as well as the legendary Wipeout on the PS1. In my game it would have to be from the mighty bass monger Elite Force. Powerful, beefy tracks perfect for killing zombies to! Oh, and I forgot a name. It would be called The Revenge Of Princess Potato. It would look a little like this:

This is an entry to the Perfect GAME competition for the chance to win a Wii U from GAME

New Zealand and Oz Gallivanting Week 4

            Saturday 13^th October
Well today started for a bit of FAIL – Dolphins and whale watching are cancelled due to the bad weather. Lots of sad faces ;-( But wait! I know what we can do instead! Let’s do more wine tasting. We hit the Wairau River Winery which Claire has been to before and recommends the blue cheese soufflé. Wairau River does not disappoint. Onwards to No.1 winery, for a selection of fizzy vino! If only there was more room in my suitcase. The space factor does not hinder Isabel however and she raids the Picton gift shop before we head back. Into the hot tub for one last dip.

Sunday 14^th October
Out last day in New Zealand, the rain has stopped at last. We leave Marlborough on the Inter-islander boat to where we started in Wellington. I take some Sea Legs tablets in case I feel like I might oak again. All is well until about half way there when my legs feel like they are in the sea. A lady is handing out icecubes to suck and she tells us to take off any big jumpers and coats which apparently helps. I sit tight until we land in Wellington. Scran at Claire’s tonight and she leaves the party but sure, we will see her in February time.

Monday 15^th October
Early start to get plane at 6.40am! No, I am not liking this. The taxi picks us up from the B&B at 4.30am and then it’s all aboard for another flight. I watch Spiderman on the plane and they give us some breakfast which was quite tasty for airplane scran. Landed in Sydney with no delays – apart from getting separated at customs. Donal and I rallied on through and mother is nowhere to be seen. I get images from the Bridget Jones movie when she get’s caught with an ornament full of drugs! With all the trinkets Isabel as bough there is a high chance one of them will be full of cocaine. Finally she emerges stress free – it as apparently the woman in front kicking up the fuss. We meet my aunt and uncle (Andy & Anne Marie) on the other side. They have recently moved out to Sydney (lucky feckers) so we drop our bags of at their house before hitting Featherdale Wildlife Park where I fed the kangaroos, held a one eyed owl and petted the koalas. Lots of crazy looking birds and animals. It makes the wildlife at home seem very boring! That night we had a BBQ Aussie style and had some kangaroo steaks – poor Skippy – friend by day, dinner by night!

Tuesday 16^th October
Today we hit the Blue Mountains and the 3 Sisters. Very spectacular scenery. We stop at Katoomba for lunch at The Common Ground Cafe. At this point I should mention that in Australia I have never seen so many people with beards in my whole life! We figure the cafe is run my some kind of commune. Andy tries their own signature ‘green’ energy drink = rotten! Looking up the cafe on the internet, it reveals that there are concerns that it is run by some kind of cult – eek.

Wednesday 17^th October
Travel into the city about midday and have dinner on the harbour front followed by a visit to the aquarium. The have 2 rescued Dugongs – also called a ‘sea cow’. A queer type of beast (in a strange sense). Myth has is that they were often mistaken for mermaids. I also likes the rays, the sharks and the turtles. After a quick Starbucks (I am impressed that they have many more types of frappuccinos than the one at home) we get dolled up for The Sydney Show Boat. We have a lush 3 course meal with all the wine and beer we wanted! Oh YEAH. Sadly we couldn’t take photos but the singer (who looks the spit of Davina Mc Call) and dancing were amazing. Davina strutted her way down the centre isle teasing the men with her feather boa! Oh on she is coming towards Donal! Poor Dad didn’t know where to look. Very funny. After a great night’s entertainment Andy takes us on the scenic route home (some would say we got lost. Never.)

Thursday 18^th October
It is amazing how many different, colourful birds there are around. At home you would only see them in the pet shop. We stock up on the legendary Tim Tams to take home with us (they are the same concept as a Penguin biscuit but better). Andy’s mum finds a lizard in the toilet. Apparently this is quite common – Mother hopes Mr lizard does come back and bite her bum! We head for a scenic drive at stop at a nice beach in Stanwell park. Lovely beach. That night we head out for an Italian for the last supper. I drink my way through the cocktail menu and dread the journey back to ireland tomorrow.

Friday 19^th October
Back at Sydney airport all set to go home! Snared on for bags being over weight (5 x tim tams and several bottles of wine plus Isabel’s trinkets may have contributed to this). The man gives us a wink and a nod and we get through okay. Lucky. We fly to Auckland then L.A. It’s 2pm local time. I didn’t spy as many fatties as last time! 4.45pm ready to go on the 2^nd last of 10 flights we have been on since the start of the holiday. More dinners then it is breakfast again! It has been Friday morning twice. Despite my arsenal of sleeping tablets I can’t dose off to I watch Glee all the way back to Heathrow. Enough to drive anyone mad you might say.

Saturday 20^th October
Finally after nearly 12hrs of Glee we arrive in Heathrow. Our finally stop before getting the plane back to belfast. I am past tired now and delirium is setting in. The Aer Lingus flight to Belfast seems like a breeze. Our epic holiday of a lifetime in over. Isabel has decided she is definitely coming back again before she is too done out to go! I concur though it will be nice to to have to live out of a suitcase. We definitely made the most of the time we had there and seen and did a lot. Home and straight to bed for me. I do not look forward to the jet lag experience again and I sleep for nearly 2 days solid only emerging for drinks and snacks

THE END

New Zealand Gallivanting Week 3

         Saturday 6^th October
Crisp, sunny day today! I have purchased a magical USB stick that gives me the internet so I catch up on my emails and design stuff. I have a quiet day in in front of the log fire (I know – booooorrringg) while the troops explore Arrowtown. That night we have a meal at a place called The Postmasters. I have the veal. Nom nom nom – poor Bambi!

Sunday 7^th October
We have acquired a stray cat that keeps coming to the back door. This excites Isabel greatly and she tries to encourage it my feeding it deluxe treats such as chicken and cheese. I pose the question ‘how would you like it if some one tried to hi-jack our pussycats at home?’ to which she didn’t really have an answer to. Paul’s last day today so Donal drops him off at the airport before loading us all into the car for the 5hr drive up the west coast to Wanaka. We stop at one more winery (Gibston Valley). Poor Donal having to put up with the drunkards in the family! Claire had been before and recommend the platter which does not disappointed. It is as immense as it looks! Fed and watered we commence our drive and arrive at a small batch on a campsite. We get some tea and watch New Zealand’s got talent (New Zealand does not have talent) and come 21.00 it’s that time of year again – Glastonbury tickets go on sale! Myself and a team of 7 others are trying for them – surely we cannot fail! Refresh – fail – refresh – fail! Someone got through to the page where you has to enter the details but it crashed – nooooooo! Refreshclickfail ahhhh! 1Hour and 40mins later they tweet that tickets have sold out. FOK BUGGER TOSSER! Feeling very cross I go to bed.

Monday 8^th October
Wow, it sure knows how to piss it down in the south island. I thought home was bad! Today we go to Puzzling world – a place full of holograms, optical illusions and a big 3D maze. Very clever indeed. In the afternoon we go to the toy and transport museum which brings back loads of good memories from my childhood. The place is crammed full of toys long forgotten from Barbies to Starwars to Lego to Micro Machines. The place is chaos. There are cars full of dolls as if they have run out of places to put them and even a resident cat. Outside, there are endless amounts of old cars, fire engines, wrecked planes and farm machinery. Claire and I have a scoot round in one of the pedal cars and her reverse parking is put to the test. Next! Onwards to another winery but we forgot our map and couldn’t find it. We settle for Patagonia instead – chocolate heaven! Fatty’s eyes are bigger than her belly and I couldn’t finish my choc moose cake. That night, Claire and I went to cinema Paridiso in the town to see Looper (after a lot of ‘F’ing and blinding trying to find it). This is how movies should be done! Fitting no more than 150 people, they had big comfy sofas to sit and converted V.W. Beetles. They even had an interval in the middle! Really enjoyed the movie though I was a little lost in parts – time-travel is always confusing!

Tuesday 9^th October
Rain, rain and more rain. Out of out hut by 10am. The weather is bad so we go to the Kiwi house. Claire, being in New Zealand for over a year has not yet met a real kiwi so we go for a wee look. I would quite like to take one home but the cats might not appreciate it. Another long drive up the west coast stopping at the Fox glacier. All these geographical features remind me of A-level geography and my teacher Metallic Alec who exploded at me one day because I was doing ‘click-click, click-click’ with my pen. Instead of retreating, this glacier is advancing at a rate of about a meter a week. Another scenic drive up the coast, we arrive at our next stop ‘The Rain Forest Retreat’ for an over night stay.

Wednesday 10^th October
On the road again to Westport! This time we stop at the Franz Josef Glacier and the Pancake rocks (a strange rock formation). We arrive at our guest house and it is amazing! The décor is lush and from all over the world as the owner likes to travel a lot – Turkey, China etc plus the best bit – bottles of complimentary wine in the fridge – OH YEAH! Head out to a place called the Denniston Dog for dinner. Everyone’s was nice apart from Donal’s who got the Whitebait – a NZ delicacy! It was like an omlette with eyes. I had the chicken that you had to cook yourself on a wee griddle. Yum yum yum.

Thursday 11^th October
We have a nice breakfast in the house of amazingness before setting off on our drive to Picton. I wish we had stayed here longer but hey, it will be something to come back for! We stop at a seal colony on the way. Our hunt is more successful that our effort in wellington and we see loads of them almost camoflaged by the rocks. Bless the wee craters! I want to take one home as well as my Kiwi. We pass through lots of vineyards in Marlborough (yes, that means more wine tasting!). We arrive at our house and it is lush. A hot tub overlooking the sea and the city.

Friday 12^th October
Week 3 of the holiday is coming to an end – it has gone so quickly! Off we go to hit the vineyards for the final time. Isabel (Mother is excited by this one as it is also her name), Cloudy Bay and others I can’t remember the name of. When we get back we jump in the hot tub for one last dip before heading out for dinner. Afterwards we head into Picton and go to Seumes’s irsh pub. It is owned by 2 guys from Limavdy and a young irish rose of a girl gives us free Bailyes slushys! Baileys, whisky and a secret ingredient which I think is ice cream. I may take this secret recipe home with me!

New Zealand Gallivanting Week 2

        Saturday 29^th September

Goodbye Wellington, Hello Hawk’s Bay! We travel a few hours up the coast to our next destination. My sister Claire joins the party and we set sail with her behind the wheel. Turns out Dad is a better driver than passenger as we had to do a sick stop on top of a windy mountain. He has gone a strange green shade so we wait for his normal colour to return and we are on our way again, stopping at a dodgy eatery called The Cuckoo Cafe. The kiwis sure like to take their time preparing food! We arrive at Hawk’s late in the evening at a quaint wee house on the sea front. Here, they are called batches.

Sunday 30^th September

It is a beautiful sunny day. Mother is egar to get stuck into some winery touring so we set sail in the afternoon. The first, we are greeted by a lovely wee white dog. The man doing the pouring was from NZ but had been to London and gone clubbing to Ministry Of Sound so we chat away to him for a bit. We do another vineyard and feeling a bit tipsy go onto our next stop – Mount Te Masa. We have dosed Donal (Dad) up with travel sickness tablets and we drive up the twisted road. Don’t look down Donal! There is nothing between us and mammoth drop on the other side. The views are spectacular.. After a hard days gallivanting, we head back to the batch and mum cooks a great roast lamb feast. Lamb is much cheaper over here apparently – I don’t really care…it is one tasty mama.

Monday 1st October 

Claire leaves the party – we drop her at the bus in Napier and visited the aquarium in the town. The have some reptiles as well and also a couple of Kiwis – I could have watched them all day running around with their funny wee beaks and big legs! What a great creature to have as the national embalm. I really wanted to catch one but I fear I may be asked to escort the premasis. My other favourites were the hawk beaked sea turtle and the wee seahorses. So hypnotic to watch! After that we visit a chocolate museum complete with free samples (always welcome) and do a quick tour round the history. Nom nom!

Tuesday 2nd October

The three of us pack up and head back to Wellington stopping at another ropey cafe. The eccentric man that served it rattled on for about 20 minutes about politics and what a dreadful man Ian Paisley was – it’s a good thing we were not his fans as some people from Northern Ireland would be! I have the safe option and get a toasted sandwich. Mum and Dad have the soup which was not the best in the world (‘tastes of dried herbs’) We check in at a B&B back in Wellington and head out to meet up with Claire again, her friends and my brother Paul who has just flown in. We head to a great wee bar called The Southern Cross for cocktails before heading to a place called Olive for scran. It was delicious.

Wednesday 3rd October

An early start today as we are jet setting from Wellington to Queenstown. When we arrive we get another car (a ’99 Toyota – this time it doesn’t have a queer smell) and drive a short way to Arrowstown to The Rose Cottage – A beautiful wee place but so cold! Luckily the beds have electric blankets- WIN. We are all pure starvin’ so head back into Queenstown for some famous Ferg Burgers. Having worked in McDonalds for many years I consider myself somewhat of a burger connoisseur – these are GOOD! After lunch, we head up the mountain in a cable car. Donal has gone a funny shade again, matters only made worse by Paul wobbling it back and fourth for badness. We spotted one poor Chinese man who did’t quite make it to the top and was ill all over the place. They must get it quite a lot I would imagine … if you gotta boak you gotta boak! After an early start and a hard day’s gallivanting Claire makes fajita’s for tea. My favourite!

Thursday 4th October

I think one of the highlights of the holiday thus far would have to be the Shotover Jet. About 10mns drive from where we were staying, they have a wee jet boat that is one of the most powerful in the world. Waterproofs on, we set sail winding though the canyons of the river doing 360 degree turns – lethal bizzle! Half my head is absolutely soaked…there were a few dodgy hairstyles going on after we got off. They have a wall of photos of all the famous people that have been on it including Carl Cox! After all that excitement we get our hair sorted out and go to another winery (well, it would be rude not to). Another beautiful day. We go for scran at an indian in Arrowstown that night that was recommended to us. ‘All authentic tastes from India! No sugar or artificial sweeteners!’ Unfortunately I am a big fan of all the sugar they put in it so I find it a bit bland. Not as good as the Jarnah or Khyber in Ballymena!

Friday 5^th October

Another early start today as we set off for the unusually named – ‘The Doubtful Sounds’. The Doubtful Sounds are a mountain range called that because when Captain Cook discovered it, he was doubtful whether he could get through or not. We have had all kinds of weather since coming here. Hot + sunny, rain, even traces of snow on the cars one morning and today it is HAMERING it down. We hop on a wee boat and after a short journey, we get off and hop on a coach to take us to the bigger boat and our driver – Peter, assures us this is the best weather to view them it and the rain is ‘liquid sunshine’. It sure isn’t called the rain forest for nothing! The views were spectacular. I lost count of the amount of waterfalls we seen. We were okay for a while but then things got rough on a stormy sea! I began to feel a little ill and nearly had to get the plastic bag out. Instead I took some of Donal’s ‘Sea Legs’ tablets and sit outside with a glass of water. I was glad to see land I tell thee. On the way back we stop at an underground hydro-electric power station with looks like something out of a James Bond movie. After a long journey home we get some good old fish and chips and they are yummy.

New Zealand Gallivanting Week 1

Day 1 – Saturday 22nd September
At last  the time has finally arrived for the O’Donnell’s annual vacation! This year we are being EXTRA adventurous and heading right around the globe to New Zealand to vist younger sister who has been working out there helping mad people as a psychiatrist.

Belfast > Gatwick
No delays so far! I am on the plane! How exciting …. NZ here we come.

Gatwick > L.A
Off one plane and onto the next! I have never been on a vessel like this in all my days… futuristic lighting, ergonomic seating, all the leg room you could dream of! No wait … this is for the posh people. I take my seat in the normal people area which is still quite exciting as I have my own TV. After devouring my surprisingly tasty chicken korma and feeling disappointed that they don’t sell chocolate bars I decide it is time for some movies. I watch Brave (I would give this 3.7/5), Cabin In The Woods (Just plain weird 2.5/5) and some episodes of Glee to get through until L.A.

L.A > Awakland 

Hmmm not feeling so jubilant about the O’Donnell holiday now. Another 12hrs and 2 flights to go – ugh. I think it is about 9pm when we land here.  There are lots of fat people and we spot a big black woman in security with the biggest diddys I have ever seen in my life.

I down some diazipam and sleeping tablets in the hope to get some rest. This plane is a bit disappointing compared to the high tech space ship from before. I try to sleep but keep waking up with dead arms and legs. As it gets light they serve us breakfast and I watch a wee film called Jesus Henry Christ which was really good (I would give this 4.5/5). OMG…I am so tired

Awakland > Wellington
Is there really any need for so much security? I mean really? I think 12hrs later the diazepam has finally kicked in and all i want to do is find a comfy spot and go to sleep but we don’t have time to stop and quickly jump on the plane to Wellington

Day 2 – Sunday 23rd September
WFT? Apparently we loose a day – if anyone sees Sunday tell them I was looking for it

Day 3 – Monday 24th September
Finally we have arrived! We pick up the hire car which upon entering, mum and dad comment on the funny smell. Could this be something they cleaned it in? No, it stinks of marijuana! I suspect the culprit is the dreadlocked  young rapscallion that picks us up at the airport that kept calling Donal ‘Dude’.

We arrive at the apartment which you get to by riding on a wee cable car up the cliff. It is AWESOME inside with an amazing view of the city complete with hot tub!  I pass out for several hours only to be awakened by my sister sitting on me. She has brought round a curry but it is too hot for me so i go to sleep again.

Day 4 – Tuesday 25th September
Today was mostly spend driving round and round and round in marijuana car getting lost trying to find a parking place for the cable car. Donal behind the wheel – Isabel on directions – the NZ lack of signposts …. the navigational nightmare! After a very unsuccessful day we return home and my sister and her housemates make us dinner which is yummy. Hmmm feeling tired again – i think this is what they call jetlag.

Day 5 – Wednesday 26th September
Today was mostly spend driving round and round and round AGAIN getting lost trying to find the Botanical Gardens but FAILED. Went Seal searching and also FAILED. It was hammering it down and you have to go several miles around the coast to spot any. Fok that.

Day 5 – Thursday 27th September
Today was mostly spend driving round and round and round but this time we found the cable car! We took it from the top right to the city centre and went to Te Papa, Wellington’s Museum where we saw a preserved colossal squid! That big mama would look good on my dinner plate.

Also, we stopped in the Weta Cave – the company that did all the FX for Lord Of The Rings, Avatar, King Kong and I even some prawns and guns from District 9 which were really cool. 

In the evening we go out for dinner for my sister’s birthday at a wee place called Polo as recommended by Northern Irish actor James Nesbit who she has been stalking whilst he is out here for filming  of the Hobbit.

Our most successful day yet!

Day 6 – Friday 27th September
One last dip in the hot tub before we depart. We finally found the Botanical Gardens and that night went to see the fantastic Bill Bailey. Highlights include him doing a version of ‘enter the sandman’ by metallica and doing a dubstep remix of the Downtown Abbey theme tune!

And so …. that is my first week over with me. Best bits were – Bill Bailey, all the nice dinners, the Weta Cave and the hot tub.

Bad bits – getting lost so much and the EPIC journey

Diarmuid Corr and Patrick Kielty MEGALOLZ

Plain deadly! Last week I went on at outing to see Patrick Kielty  (recently engaged to Cat Deely) in Coleraine. It was a nice surprised to see he was warmed up by  Diarmuid Corr. If you are an irish, fenian, culchie bog dweller like myself you are sure to find it MEGALOLZ!